


Reach Into my Chest and Tear Out my Heart

by raayachez



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Canon Compliant, Canon Relationships, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Person of Color Harry Potter, Person of Color Hermione Granger, Platonic Soulmates, Romantic Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Trope Subversion/Inversion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:35:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26538958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raayachez/pseuds/raayachez
Summary: You would think that Harry Potter would at least have a soulmate - somebody who could be his other half, who would love him no matter what - but he has always been Fate's favorite chew toy.(His soulmate mark, his only one, is written in the same green as his mother's eyes. In neat penmanship, it saysAvada Kedavra)
Relationships: Harry Potter & Ron Weasley, Harry Potter & Tom Riddle, Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	Reach Into my Chest and Tear Out my Heart

He's not loveless. He knows he's not.

But sometimes, sometimes it's hard to remember that he is. Was. He can look at his soulmate mark for minutes on end, but sometimes. . . it just seems like a joke. Like Dudley and Aunt Petunia will come out and laugh at him, like they always do when he does anything at all, because _who_ would want to be with him? What if this was a prank, what if they drew it on, just to give him false hope?

It sounds like something that they would do. And it's not like anything would be above them, but even he knows that he was being ridiculous. Nobody did _not_ have a soulmark; that wasn't possible. Even those babies, ones that lived for a few minutes, before passing, had one. But what type of soulmark was _Avada Kedavra_? It sounded like a foreign language to him, but when he went to the local library, he couldn't find any dictionary with those exact words.

The closest was in Aramaic, and that was still only close. And people didn't talk in Aramaic anymore.

It's the fifth year in primary. He gets his report card, filled with the usual Cs and Ds. It's not like he's stupid, he's really not. He just can't get grades better than Dudley's.

It flashes to the front of his mind, that his soulmate could be a loon. Somebody who was spitting out random, imaginary words, and caused him to have a soulmate mark that made no sense. He drops the manila folder onto the ground, and his homeroom teacher looks cross. The rest of the class snickers. He hates all of them, the people who call him _paki_ , and have normal soulmate marks, and have both of their parents.

He's unreasonably jealous for a whole ten seconds, before the teacher asks, "Anything you want to share, Mr. Potter?"

"No," he mutters and the attention finally leaves him. That's good, he thinks. He doesn't want it, not like that.

In the summer, right before his school year starts at Stonewall High, he's about to turn eleven.

Aunt Petunia has already dyed some of Dudley's old clothes, so they wouldn't have to spend more money for Stonewall's uniform. He guesses it's good enough. After all, they're both grey. Aunt Petunia's version just smells like elephant skin. He's not even really surprised that they wouldn't buy new things for him. He's pretty sure he can count all his belongings on one hand, and at least half of them used to belong to Dudley, himself. The other half was taken from lost-and-found bins or near trash cans. He's not too proud about that, but _hey_ , it's still his stuff, now.

Then, he gets a letter. It's actually sent to _him_. Somebody actually wanted to send him a letter. He's in a daze for a few seconds, but he has to come out of it, cause Uncle Vernon was trying to take it back. Obviously, that was something he didn't want to happen, but there's little he can do to prevent Uncle Vernon from taking it.

Then, something even more odd happens. He gets _more_ letters.

He's confident that they're all from the same place, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It sounds almost fake, but this is a way out. An escape from the Dursleys. It sounds absolutely magical.

Uncle Vernon continues taking them, though. But the letters keep on coming, even on days when there's no mail. Eventually they go to an island, and it's almost his birthday. Nobody's remembered, of course, but he can live with that. He wishes for someone to take him away.

He's not sure if his wish was the thing that came true, or if it was just a coincidence, but somebody does come. His name is Rubeus Hagrid, keeper of the keys, and he works at Hogwarts. He's apparently a wizard, both of them are. Hagrid gets him a _whole_ birthday cake and he thinks it was the best birthday he has ever had, when he was living with the Dursleys. Sure, the bar was low, but it was also the day he found out about magic. He thinks it's a decent tradeoff.

They go to Diagon Alley, a place filled with wizards and witches like him. It is easily the most amazing place he has ever been to, but then again, the bar was very low.

He gets a snowy-white owl, and names it Hedwig, after a name he had found in a book. He tries to buy a solid gold cauldron, but Hagrid stops him. After thinking about it, he realizes it was better that he _didn't_ buy it. He would have seemed like a huge prat, but it's so hard not to be, when he has never had this much money, all for himself.

He gets a wand. Maybe, he should have realized then, who exactly his soulmate was. It would have been so easy to connect the dots, with the brother wand of his own belonging to the wizard that gave him his lightning bolt scar. At first, he was afraid that no wand would suit him, and that they wouldn't let him go to Hogwarts. One worked, though. 11", Holly, Phoenix feather. It's an indescribable feeling, to first hold you _own_ wand. It's really his own, he won't have to wait for Dudley to overgrow it, or have to share it with anyone. It was _his._

He gets the rest of his school supplies and meets his Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Quirrell. But, if he was being honest, Professor Quirrell seems more likely to get them killed from the dark arts, rather than protect them from it. 

He also finds out that he's apparently a big deal in the wizarding world - a celebrity, basically - and that kind of makes him uncomfortable. He doesn't want to be famous for something that he was said to have done when he was just an infant. He doesn't want to be famous for something that he doesn't even remember doing. He doesn't know who Voldemort is, besides the fact that he killed a lot of people, even his parents.

So, yes. His parents weren't drunkards, and they weren't jobless, and they weren't cowards. Nothing Aunt Petunia said was true. They were _war heroes_ and they _loved_ him.

He was loved. Is loved.

He is almost able to forget about his soulmate mark, but in a fit of what first seems to be brilliance, he remembers and asks Hagrid. The man stills and questions him, "Where did ye hear that?"

Quickly, he bluffs, "In an alleyway. Somebody said it, and I was wondering what it meant."

"Don't worry about it. It's not somethin ye should concern yourself with." His voice lowers to a whisper, "It's an unforgiveable."

He wants to continue the conversation, and ask, what's an unforgiveable? It's like everybody keeps on forgetting he was muggle-raised. He knows nothing about wizarding culture. But, he has enough sense to leave it. Hagrid already looks uncomfortable from uttering Voldemort's name.

He loves being a wizard, being someone who was seen as mostly normal.

It's finally time to go to Hogwarts and. . . he doesn't quite know how. When he asks, people give him the typical odd look, as if he was lying or something like that, even though he _wasn't_. Luckily, he meets a nice family of gingers who help him get on. They were very kind, and also very friendly.

During the train ride, he shares a compartment with one of the gingers. His name is Ron Weasley, he has five brothers and one sister, and apparently everybody else in his family has already done everything you could do in the wizarding world. Ron, while he had first asked about the night he "defeated" Voldemort, turns out to be fun, and he's glad that it's Ron that he's spending time with.

At one point, a pointy looking boy, the one he met at Madam Malkin's, comes over, and is rude to _both_ Hagrid and the Weasleys. Draco Malfoy, the boy is called, acts as if Hagrid and the Weasleys aren't better company than an annoying boy; Draco reminds him too much of Dudley, if not only thinner, and more ferrety. So, he rejects Malfoy's offer of friendship, because: _I think I can tell who the wrong sort are for myself, thanks_. Ron's laughter makes any future consequences of the rejection worth it.

A bossy, bushy haired girl comes into the compartment too. She's no Draco Malfoy, and she's looking for Neville Longbottom's toad. She starts ranting about Hogwarts: A History, and he doesn't even know what to say. He thinks Ron doesn't like her _that_ much, which okay, is a little understandable. Hermione Granger was a little odd, but weren't all the best people are?

They arrive at Hogwarts, and he's still _so_ nervous, but Ron settles his nerves, a little. Hopefully, not everyone will have digested the textbooks before coming to school. He certainly hasn't, but one couldn't be too sure.

(Ron confirms he hasn't either, but it barely helps. He wasn't the one who was raised with the Dursleys.)

The Great Hall is gorgeous. The enchanted night sky is amazing, and if that's how magic could be used, he thinks he's fallen a little more in love.

He sits in the stool placed in front of the entire school, and lets the sorting hat flop over his head.

He's almost worried that he'll get sorted into Slytherin. He can't imagine an entire seven years living in Malfoy's dormitory, he doesn't think both of them would be alive by the end of it. Surely, one of them would murder the other. The worries coincidently almost get him placed into Slytherin. He's incredibly relieved to be sorted into Gryffindor, where the rest of the Weasleys, Granger, Longbottom and a couple of other people sit.

There are even people who look like him. He's not sure why he's so surprised about that, but he was. Ron gets sorted into the same house, and sits next to him. He's glad he already has a friend in the same house as him.

Get this, there are ghosts at Hogwarts. Actual ghosts. He never knew that they were real. It's exciting, to be aware of how much he could still discover about the wizarding world.

He gets a whole four-poster bed to himself. He can hardly believe it.

He sleeps easily, for the first time in a long time. He doesn't even know that it'll be the only time for a long time, as well.

Hogwarts is both beautiful and complicated. The moving staircases are bit of a mess, but it's the best mess he has ever been a part of. He loves it. Hogwarts is more of a home than anywhere he has ever lived before.

He lets himself ignore his soulmate once again, because everything is just _amazing_ , and how could he waste his time on something like a soulmate mark when an entire wizarding world existed? It turns out that he can't, not when Ron looks at his own arm and frowns. Ron places it in his view.

"I have Granger's words for one of my soulmate marks! Can you believe it? What type of soulmate bond will we have? An enemy bond?"

Ron snorts but it's not funny. He couldn't laugh about it, even if he tried. Ron has more than one soulmate marks, and he already knew one of them. Did he think it was fair?

No, he could not. He also could not evade his curiosity about the words etched onto his skin.

His soulmate mark will rest on his chest forever and ever, it's something that'll always be his. He has to know, at least have some idea about it, on what situation he'll meet his soulmate in. He knows that the words are from an unforgiveable, so he manages to get eliminate a lot of potential reading material.

He finds out the meaning of the two words in a fourth-year DADA book.

He wishes he didn't have a soulmate anymore. He would rather be less than human than live the way he currently did.

Harry Potter's soulmate, his only one, is his parent's murder. He didn't ask for this; for the fame, for the money, for this _monster_ to be his soulmate. This isn't just. None of it was. What type of prank was this?

"Mate?" Ron questions, "Are you okay?"

No, he wants to say. That nothing was okay, and that he wasn't okay, and nothing ever will be. He wants to be born as someone else, because everything was terrible, and he hated the Dursleys, and nothing, _nothing_ was fine. Instead, he blinks rapidly, and tells, "I'm good, really. I am."

If Ron, his _best_ _friend_ \- something he forgets his has, sometimes - notices that he is, in fact, not doing well, Ron doesn't say anything. He thinks he adores Ron a little more, just because of that. Ron gently nudges him. "Do you want some pie? Hogwarts _always_ has the best pie, maybe even better than Mum's."

Ron piles some pie onto his plate, and he _knows_. This is how Ron shows how he cares.

Maybe things weren't decent, right now. But who said that they couldn't get better? For the first time in a long time, he allows himself to smile. This time, it will be first of many.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments make me happy and give me inspo to write :]


End file.
